Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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