You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
