Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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