so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I currently don't understand fingers.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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