Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
