I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
