he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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