Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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