im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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