I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
