is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I just had sex on a roof
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
