Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
