Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
