Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
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