I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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