So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
