in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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