Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
This is my gift to your gina
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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