I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
