Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
