Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
