We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
