so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
