I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
