remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
