I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
