is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
worst night to have a conscience
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
