why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
