This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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