do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize