He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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