I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
