Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
