So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
accomplished twins. life is a go
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
