Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
