I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
