I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
