I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
