There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
