i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I supernannyed him into submission
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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