You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
well you can't waste a boner
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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