I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
i've created a new STD.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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