So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
