Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
