Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I accidentally burped into my bong.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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