literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
