i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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