He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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