i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize