Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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