everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
