My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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