You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
