yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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