we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
What drink are we having for lunch?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
