i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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