ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
