So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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