well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
