I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
