yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
