That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
