We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
That accounts for only three of the penises
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
